Broken beyond repair: Ashes to Ashes
by TW-addict
Summary: "Getting her emotions back may have broken her; but what happened in Eichen House had destroyed her" - sneak peaks of Kayla's upcoming storyline in Ashes to Ashes, because y'all have been so good - please R&R - NEW SNEAK PEAK UP
1. Chapter 1 - Broken

**Disclaimer: teen wolf is nae mine folks (cries) anyways, I thought you all deserved a wee snippet teaser thing for the upcoming storyline which - warning - will be very painful but it has to be done lol hope you all enjoy :)**

He watched her break _over_ and _over_ again, her mind continually collapsing upon itself the more time passed. Unable to do a damn thing to ease her pain or take away her fear. Just watch as she cried and screamed and tore chunks of her hair out, short bitten nails scratching her skin until it was red raw, shaking hands digging into her eyes sockets in a desperate attempt to stop the visions, the hallucinations, whatever it was she was seeing. Whatever brutal, torturous images her mind was showing her.

And here she was, cowering back against the corner of the room where she felt most safest, knees tucked against her chest as she shook, incoherent mumblings falling from her chapped dry lips. Looking at her now, broken into a thousand pieces, she was nearly unrecognisable from the Kayla they knew. Her hair falling in front of her face like curtains, eyes sunken and bruised with lack of sleep, body jittery and jerking every time she got a fright from whatever what going on inside her head, slim figure too thin, like just a simple knock would break every bone in her body.

Getting her emotions back may have broken her; but what happened in Eichen House had destroyed her.

He stepped forward slowly, swallowing back the aching lump in his throat, "Kayla?" He asked quietly, "baby, can you hear me?" yearning to hear her voice, even just one simple word or at the very least, some sort of recognition.

Her wild eyes zig-zagged across the floor, her right hand nervously toying with the bandages on her left one, beginning to scratch at the skin as she ignored him, totally disassociating from everything around her, the hallucinations too strong.

He took another hesitant step forward, feeling hot tears well beneath his lids, "you're okay now, you're safe... Remember?"

She jerked, shaking her head frantically as she pressed herself back against the wall, ripping away the bandages and exposing her bloodied left hand, the one she had scratched until the muscle was nearly on show and beginning to scratch at it some more, not even flinching at the pain.

It killed him to see this, to watch her agony and not be able to ease the pain.

"Kaylz, please" he kneeled down hesitantly, feeling like a knife was cutting his gut apart as she jolted and pushed herself back further, too scared to engage with him, "don't hurt yourself. I'm here. I'm here and I'll get you through this"

She wouldn't look at him, heartbroken tears filling up her eyes as she dropped her head forward before snapping it back against the wall, beginning to cry as she repeatedly careened her skull against the wall and despite knowing he had to take things slow and hesitant he leapt forward and wrestled her away from the wall, not willing to let her be in pain. He would _never_ stand back and watch that.

"Shhhhhh, _shhhh_ Kaylz, it's okay, I got you, I got you" he reassured, holding her flailing desperate body in his unrelenting grip, letting a few tears fall as her wails pierced his eardrums, "you're safe, I promise. You're safe here... With me"

But she didn't hear his words, too stuck in her damaged brain to understand what he was saying - it didn't make sense, _none of this_ made sense to her. All she was sure about was she wanted away from here, to be gone, to be _dead_. She needed away from this hell. She needed _punished_. She was continuously drowning and unable to get air and no one could help her.

They had done something so inhumane to her, so devastatingly soul destroying, that she lacked capacity and comprehension - the emotional floodgate was open, tearing her to pieces, yet she didn't have the skills to control this, to rationalise or compartmentalise. When they pinned her down, tied her up, made her body freeze yet mind alert as they hammered that thing through her orbital socket and through her brain they severed parts of it that wasn't supposed to be severed. They thought they could fix her psychosis, make her 'manageable' - anything to stop the crazy talk, they had said, her mad ramblings to imaginary figures.

And now she was trapped inside her head, unable to express herself through anything bar screaming and crying and hurting herself to relieve some of the pressure, unable to say even one single thing.

Mute.

Totally incapacitated.

And no one knew how to fix it. How could they reverse years of torture, of agony? The human mind was such a fragile, delicate thing. It wasn't like a broken bone - a few weeks of rest and back to normal. It was complicated, unknown territory. People could live without using their leg or arm, it would be hard but manageable, but the loss of sanity? Not so much.

Her exhaustion soon won out though, her days of not sleeping, her empty stomach and thin stature made her weak as she gasped back loud panicked breaths in mind numbing fear, not fighting his calming grip anymore as she collapsed back against his chest, her cheeks wet with tears.

She couldn't tell them how badly she didn't want to be alive anymore... How _desperate_ she was for this pain to end because the damage had been done, forced to be stuck within her own mind like a prison. She couldn't tell them to leave her be, to give up, to just let her die because anything was better than this hell. She didn't even understand what went through her head - the voices, the flashes, the blood and corpses of all those lives she took, it made no sense yet she felt them all in perfect clarity.

'As mad as a box of frogs' was probably the closest definition of her at this moment in time.

So Stiles just held her, feeling her resistance wear out but her entire body trembled like a scared kitten, her wide fearful eyes trained on one spot in particular just ahead of her.

He glanced over, seeing nothing there, just a simple empty wall but he knew, deep in his gut, whatever she was seeing, whatever she was visioning, was completely and utterly horrifying beyond comprehension.

He had _pushed_ and _pushed_ and _pushed_ for her to let those emotions back in, to be the Kayla they all knew and loved but now here he was, restraining her to stop her from hurting herself, trying to get through to her, to understand what terrible things she was thinking but her mind had caved in and he was too late to save her from that.

He had promised her, he _**promised**_ , that no matter _what_ she would _never_ end up back in Eichen house. He remembered vowing that to her yet here they were, Stiles had broken _another_ promise yet again and Kayla was on the brink of losing it completely.

Maybe, just maybe, he should've told her to stay emotionless. At least then she would get another chance at life.

 **A/N) am I satan or am I Satan lmao haha MY POOR BABIES it's gonna be so rough and so hard but STAYLA HES THERE FOR HER awwww haha anyways hope you liked this wee teaser and please please reviews see you all very shortly :)**

 **Also, got a poll up about naming the next book in the series X**


	2. Chapter 2 - Chicken noodle soup

**Disclaimer: teen wolf is not mine - I decided to add another chapter to this because I'm evil haha enjoy :)**

"C'mon Kaylz... you have to eat _something"_ Stiles urged, trying not to sound desperate or pushy or even forceful but he wasn't just worried – he was seriously freaking the hell out, "Chicken noodle soup... you love chicken noodle soup" He pointed out, gently lifting the spoon again, "Even just a mouthful?" He bargained, needing to get some food into her but she just gave him a blank look back, her mind obviously not following this rather one sided conversation, "Baby... please" He muttered quietly, gulping noisily, "For me?" He whispered croakily, hands shaking slightly as Kayla just looked at him like he was speaking nonsense before looking down at her lap, hair falling in front of her face.

Stiles sighed, just about ready to have a full blown breakdown – this was all just too much, he couldn't see this, couldn't see her wasting away because that's what she was doing – she had always been on the slim side but at least she looked healthy, this was just taking it to new extremes. Her eyes were hallow, skin deathly pale, whole body cold to touch and she was just losing far too much weight, hell, she was practically skin and bone.

"Here... let me try" Lydia interrupted his thoughts, kneeling down next to him and gently taking the hot bowl of soup from his shaking hands, "You're stressed enough as it is" And Stiles just met her worried gaze, his emotions in turmoil – it wasn't that he didn't trust anyone else with her, because he did, but right now he didn't want to let her out of his sight, not even for a minute.

Lydia must have sensed his reluctance and distress because she took a hold of his hand with her free one, gaze never leaving his, "I lost two of my best friends... but I got one back, I'll look after her" She implored, sending Stiles a small smile, "I promise"

And Stiles felt stupid for doubting her – of course Lydia would hold the fort, he wasn't the only one that cared about Kayla.

Stiles nodded slightly as Lydia let go of his hand, gently rubbing her palm on his back, "Take five minutes... or as long as you need" She murmured as Stiles leaned forward, tilting Kayla's chin up tenderly, blinking past the bleariness that fogged up his vision.

"Kaylz... Lydia is gonna stay here with you okay?" He asked softy, craving a sensible answer from her, "You remember Lydia... don't you?" And Kayla just furrowed her eyebrows, eyes sunken and hollow, "Well... she'll be here and I'll just be through there-" He pointed behind him to the kitchen where Isaac and Malia were watching cautiously, "-If you need anything" He finished, raising his eyebrows, waiting for an answer but it was clear a nonchalant look was all he was going to get.

He blinked back the tears and bit back his pleads for her to just do or say _something_ , anything– a squeeze of the hand, a subtle nod, hell even one simple word would feel like music to his ears right about now but no, like Malia had put ever so tastefully, she really had 'lost the plot'.

So Stiles just nodded, biting his lip as he stood up, running a weary and tired hand down his face and leaving Lydia to it, glancing over his shoulder before he reached the kitchen.

"Hey Kayla... It's Lyd here" He heard Lydia say in a false cheery voice, "Now don't be silly okay? You love your food... food is like god to you, you practically worship the stuff" He heard Lydia chuckle as she raised the spoon slowly, "So if you want to we can share this?" She further suggested but Stiles' heart broke all over again as Kayla just closed her eyes briefly, like she was either confused or overwhelmed or both.

And Stiles had had enough – he couldn't watch that for much longer... the girl he had fallen head over heels in love with was a shadow of her former self – She didn't sass them or snark at them, she didn't tease them or even engage in conversation... she just ignored them all, as if she had no clue who they were. Too frightened, too scared to do anything as her mind tore itself apart.

And Stiles felt himself breaking apart on the inside at how broken she really was and for a second, just a second, he wondered if this was worth it... if maybe she would be better just staying dead instead of all this torment – because that was what it was, torture, for all of them and Kayla, trapped inside her mind, living horrors all over again, being dependable on people, scared out of her mind... was that a life worth living?

But as he entered the kitchen he shook his head, dispelling those thoughts.

No one deserved to die that young, or suffer through that pain for only trying to help – he would bring her back, no matter how many weeks, months or even _years_ it took because she deserved that, she deserved a second chance, a chance to not be punished for all the good she had done.

"She still not eating?" Isaac asked in worry, looking over Stiles' shoulder as Malia just furrowed her eyebrows at the werewolf before just sending a calculating look in Kayla's direction.

"Not eating, drinking, sleeping... not doing anything" Stiles muttered back, keeping his back turned as Lydia attended to Kayla, trying to spoon feed her, "It's like... it's like she's just..."

"It's like she's empty" Isaac finished his sentence, sending Stiles a sympathetic look, "But, maybe... I don't know, give it some time?" He suggested, "It's not everyday someone comes back from the dead and loses their emotions, then gets them back all in the space of a couple of months... there's bound to be an adjustment period"

"You mean when she killed people and then tried to kill us?" Malia asked bluntly with no shame what so ever and Stiles shot her a glare, fed up with her stupid insults and jabs.

"Malia..." Isaac warned in a low voice, sending her a blatant look, obviously trying to get her to shut up before Stiles snapped.

"Am I the only one that remembers that?" Malia asked, ignoring Isaac's subtle hints to stop prodding, "That she's killed people... snapped a fourteen year old girls' neck?" And Stiles was _this-close_ to boiling point, "And now you're all babying her... the best place for her now is at Eichen house" But Stiles had reached volcanic explosion level.

Stiles lashed out, his fist slamming into Scott's cupboard door, leaving it hanging off the hinges, " _ **Shut up"**_ He snarled so fiercely Malia actually took a step back in shock, "You have _no right_ to comment on matters you know nothing about"

"She tried to kill me" Malia exclaimed but Stiles wasn't hearing none of it.

"You don't know her" He snapped back, glowering at the werecoyote, " ** _Our_** Kayla died that night in the school... everything that she was just gone – she died in _my_ arms... it was _my_ fault she bled out, choking on her blood" He took a threatening step forward as Isaac wound an arm around Malia's waist, pushing her back slightly, "Do you know what it feels like to get impaled through the chest? The punctured lung, the tears in the heart muscle, the nerve splitting pain, the de-lodged windpipe... has that ever happened to you? No, it hasn't, but it happened to _her_ and she _died_... **I** lost her and whatever has happened since then was _not_ her fault... I just got her back and I'm not going to let you take that away from me" He didn't realise he was striding forward until he reached Malia, glowering at the girl as Isaac tried to separate the two but to no avail, "The girl I love is only a few feet away but in reality there's millions of miles between us – she's in there feeling scared and alone... stuck thinking god knows what and I am _not_ going to let you send her back to that place, is that clear?" He demanded, pushing Isaac away roughly, "I said _is that clear?"_ He roared, grabbing ahold of Malia's shoulders tightly, his frustrations leaking out from him in waves.

"Yes... Yes I'm sorry" Malia shouted back looking just slightly terrified as Stiles came back to his senses with a bang, letting go of her shoulders and taking a step backwards though the glare still remained on his features.

"Good" He glowered, "Because I mean it Malia... what she did... hurting people" He took in a deep breath, willing the tears to go away, "That wasn't Kayla – that was because something twisted her sense of right and wrong, took away her emotions, made her into that" He sighed as he rubbed his eyes, ignoring Isaac's sympathetic look in his direction, "If I ever manage to get her back, to fix her like I promised... then you'll see how amazing and special she is... and you won't hate her" He shook his head, "Because it's impossible to" And just as he finished his speech, the speech that made him feel so vulnerable and on the spot, Lydia hesitantly knocked on the door, raising her eyebrows at all of them.

"The tension is so thick in here I could cut it with a knife" She greeted, giving them all a disapproving glare as she put the empty bowl and spoon next to the sink, crossing her arms as if to say 'okay guys, what the hell is going on?'

"Wait..." Stiles muttered, looking at Lydia in tense anticipation, "She ate the soup? All of it?" And Lydia just smiled at him.

"Well... I had a couple of mouthfuls to get her started, show her that it wasn't poisonous or anything, and after that... yeah" She nodded, looking pleased, "It was a slow process but she did it" And Stiles sighed in relief, running a hand through his hair as he looked at Kayla who was back to curling herself up on the couch, fingers tugging at her greasy strands of her as she gazed at the floor, her eyes wide and terrified.

"Did she say anything?"

Lydias face fell, sadness etched onto her features, "no... But she did uh... She did point to something" he cocked a brow, not following her, "I think... I think the reason she can't speak... Or express herself... Or do much of anything is..." she paused, her moss green eyes welling up with tears, "Stiles... I think she had a lobotomy"

 **a/n) I had most of this written so thought I may as well publish it haha poor Kayla, told you towards the end of this book it would crush y'all haha so please please please review I would really appreciate it and I shall see you all soon :) x**


	3. Chapter 3 - Visitation

**Disclaimer: teen wolf is not mine – ahhhh okay so because im so excited about this upcoming storyline im writing down snippets and heres another angsty one for you haha hope you enjoy (well… as much as you can despite the pain lol)**

"So what are you saying?" Stiles demanded, on edge and borderline ready to completely lose it, "cut the doctor talk crap and tell me straight"

The older man sighed and glanced at Derek cautiously, his eyes glazed in worry.

"I'm saying that the human mind is very fragile and complex. What she went through will have a lasting, forever effect on her. We can continue to administer the medication, try different therapies, monitor her condition but the truth is I… I don't think it's going to work. I think her mind is… broken" he said simply, "I'm not sure there is anything you or I or anyone else can do"

Stiles' entire demeanour deflated, his shoulders sagging as his crestfallen eyes met Derek's, shaking his head, "you don't believe this, do you?"

Derek's eyes were glassy with tears but he held them back, unable to keep looking at how heartbroken Stiles was as he instead chose to look around the loft, running a hand down his stubbled face, "I don't know. But what I do know is my cousin isn't getting any better. She screams and cries and talks to people that aren't there. I've had to hold her down as we pumped her full of sedatives just to stop her from hurting herself. She… she hates taking the medicine. She looks like she's in hell and I don't know what more I can do"

A rush of anger surged through Stiles, his eyes igniting with fire, "you can not give up on her, how about trying that?"

"You haven't seen what I've seen these past few weeks Stiles" Derek wasn't angry or annoyed, just sad, like he had been beating himself up over this more than Stiles' words could hurt him, "she's not the same Kayla"

"I haven't seen because you haven't _let_ me" Stiles exploded, "you're keeping her here and not letting anyone see her. I come around day in, day out and you tell me she's having a bad day, to go home and come back another time. Well that isn't working Derek. I want to see her, and I want to see her **_now_** " he demanded, "or so help me god I will _end_ you"

Derek swallowed but kept his cool, "believe it or not Stiles, I'm protecting you by not letting you see her. She's worse than before. Worse than when you first got her out of Eichen house. You shouldn't have to see that"

Stiles scoffed, "don't pretend to be putting my interests first. I promised her I would stick by her… I… I told her I would never leave her again… I can't break that promise" he wiped at his nose with his shirt sleeve, his bottom lip quivering with intense despair, "I _can't_ break another promise to her"

Derek's eyes shined with pity, his expression soft, "what happened… Kayla ending up in Eichen house was not your fault"

"Yeah?" he challenged, "then whose was it? I pushed and pushed and got her back, then I lost her. For weeks. The things they did to her… the-the lobotomy… it is my fault. It's my fault because she made me promise her that she wouldn't end up back in that hell hole and I didn't stop that from happening"

Derek had no response to that, the room stuck in stifling silence.

"Um…" the doctor interrupted, an old family friend of Derek's who he had called upon to aid them in helping Kayla without any psychiatric hospitals or authorities involvement, "if it would be possible, I would like to try and get another MRI scan to determine the extent of her brain damage. The first isn't as clear as I would like it to be and maybe, hopefully, we might see a slight improvement. I'm not entirely sure if her advanced supernatural healing will work on her brain, but it might"

"How bad exactly is the brain damage?" Stiles asked quietly, his heart throbbing with pain.

"It's… undeterminable at the moment" he explained, "it's difficult to understand what effects are a direct response from the brain damage and what are from her psychosis. But what we do know is the person who performed the surgery was untrained and heavy handed. Primarily, lobotomies only have an arguable positive effect on those with anxiety or mood disorders, but Kayla's issues go far beyond that. From what I can gather at the moment, the main problems she's experiencing from it is seizures, lack of initiative, decreased cognitive ability, incoordination and no sense of reason – there is no getting through to her, if I'm entirely honest I'm not even sure she has the ability to understand. I'm just not sure"

Stiles swallowed thickly, "is she going to be this way forever?"

"Until I arrange another MRI scan, I can't be sure. What I've said are just educated guesses and assumptions"

"I need to see her" he stated, with no room to argue as he glanced over at Derek, "I'm not leaving here until I get to see her with my own two eyes"

Derek just sighed but fished a key from his pocket, nodding up the stairs, "the room at the very bottom of the corridor on your right – lock the door behind you, okay?"

He nodded lightly, accepting the key as he rushed up the stairs on shaky legs, following Derek's instructions as he reached the large metal door and stopped for a moment, catching his breath, forcing himself to remain calm, to keep his emotions in check because Kayla needed him to be strong this time, he couldn't break, not if he had to carry both of them.

He carefully opened the door, letting it creak open as he inched into the empty room, just a simple single bed pushed to the far left corner, some photos and memorabilia sprawled over the floor that Derek had obviously tried to remind Kayla of who she was, what she had waiting to her but it didn't seem to work because they were discarded as she sat rocking back and forth on her bed, knees tucked to her chest, hair matted to her sweaty skin as she mumbled something incoherent, something that she couldn't pronounce, the words unable to come out but her head whipped up as he locked the door behind him, his eyes widening at how broken she looked. The eyes were the worst. So hopeless, so confused and so full of pain. Nothing helping her get better.

"H-Hey" he stuttered, watching her eyes widen in something close to a combination between terror and surprise, "I'm sorry I'm late" he whispered, taking a small step forward so the light from the moon shone across his face, new bars pinned over the window and even though he knew it was for her protection so she didn't jump or break the glass, it still made him feel uneasy, like she was stuck in a prison, like she was the one in the wrong, "but I'm here now… I'm here Kaylz"

Her mouth parted a little, like she was trying to say something but nothing came out, no words, just a slurred mumble and it tore him apart to see her trying so hard to communicate with him in whatever way she was capable of only to see it fail. She was more damaged than he thought, more than he had hoped.

"I wont ever let go Kaylz, I promise. I'll get you through this, whatever it takes" he vowed, "I'm here baby, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere"

Tears rushed to her eyes, clouding her vision and he wasn't even sure if she could understand or process what he was saying but maybe it was just the sound of his voice or his presence, he didn't know, but she rushed to him, small skinny frame crashing into his chest as she clung to him, desperate sobs escaping her throat and he had to catch her as her legs dropped out from beneath her, unable to bear any weight for any considerable amount of time but he didn't mind.

He would always and forever be there to catch her when she fell, even if sometimes it made him fall too.

 **A/N) AM I FULL ON SATAN EVIL YET MUHAHAHAHAH im legit so excited for this storyline you have no idea haha and I hope youre excited too and enjoyed this little sneak peak, so pretty pease leave a review (love those ha) and I shall update main story hopefully tomorrow haha x**


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